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Thursday, March 18, 2004

Solving The Nigerian Problem

The World Factbook shows some pretty dismal data for Nigeria - GDP per capita of $900, average life expectancy 51 years, 28% unemployment. Basically, the place is a shit hole. Which is a shame, considering how much money they have locked up in innacessable bank accounts. I get several offers a day to help bail these poor people out of their predicament. There must be hundreds, if not thousands of individuals in Nigeria with fortunes amounting to tens of millions of dollars each that they can't utilize. Just think of the economic miracle which could be wrought in Nigeria if all this capital were to be freed up. Really, it's a moral imperative to lend a hand where so little effort on our part could do so much good.

For a mere 10% commission I, and many like me are in a position to help these poor suckers by providing our bank details so that they may transfer there frozen fortune through our accounts. Now, I realize this simple action may be too much of an obligation for many to assume. Also, and it pains me to say this, the honesty of some of my countrymen may not be of the highest possible standards, and the temptation of
keeping all of the $130 million fortune of Mrs. Dorkomina ABATCHA (for one example) may be too great to be resisted. Maybe it would be best if the World Bank were to take a hand by establishing an account for all of Nigeria in international hands the money could be freed, and distributed fairly to the most needy.

Let the World Bank issue every Nigerian with a Visa check card (tm), drawing on the national account. I can't think of a better solution.
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